🚨 BREAKING 🚨: LDS Church Shifts ‘Chosen Generation’ Mantle from Millennials to Gen Alpha; Gen Z Fumes Over Being Skipped, Declares Divine Favor Is ‘Mid’

In a stunning generational pivot, the LDS Church has officially reassigned the long-coveted title of “Chosen Generation” from Millennials to Gen Alpha, leaving Gen Z to quietly seethe somewhere between a second hour Gospel Doctrine class and an existential spiral.

Church officials say the change comes after careful consideration, years of youth conference enthusiasm, and the discovery that Gen Alpha can swipe through the Gospel Library app faster than anyone alive. Toddlers with tablets and testimony videos have now claimed the spotlight, armed with Light the World stickers, snack-sized faith, and a dangerously inflated sense of pre-millennial purpose.

Meanwhile, Gen Z—who endured pandemic-era seminary, three iterations of the For the Strength of Youth pamphlet, and being the first generation to follow prophets on Instagram—finds itself skipped entirely. No mantle. No honor. No “generation reserved for this time.” Just vibes.

Millennials, who once carried the Chosen torch with EFY CDs and relentless guilt over not going to enough institute, are reportedly thrilled to hand it off. Most have quietly retreated to the Primary room with Costco fruit snacks and no intention of ever attending a stake dance again.

As for Gen Z, they’ve begun responding in the most Gen Z way possible: ironically. Several have taken to social media to announce their new self-assigned role as “The Overlooked but Still Pretty Doctrinal Generation,” and have rated the mantle redistribution a solid 4/10 for execution, but a strong 9/10 for chaos.