UTAH — The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints has announced a bread-breaking partnership with regional bakeries across Utah to supply wards with officially approved sacrament bread.
No longer will Saints suffer through Sister Johnson’s dense, oat-heavy wheat loaf. Or even worse, the saltless sourdough from Sister Bennett.
“This was a chance to help our young men’s leaders and boost our local economies. You can say the field was white and ready to harvest,” chuckled a church spokesperson.
In addition, the Church has issued a formal rebuke of the Sabbath breaking bread bought in a panic on Sunday morning from the gas station.
“This is a great change, and takes a huge loaf, uh, I mean, load off of my plate,” said Brother Jake Scott, an exasperated Teachers Quorum Advisor in Ogden.
“There have been several Sacrament meetings where I’ve felt guilty for giving the entire congregation tainted, sinful sacrament bread that I bought on the Lord’s Day,” said Scott.
Under the new initiative, specific bakeries will serve as official providers by region:
- Logan to Ogden: Old Gristmill Bread Co.
- Layton to Bountiful: Great Harvest Bread Co.
- Salt Lake City: Vosen’s Bread Paradise
- St. George: Aspen Mills
According to the spokesperson, the Church is also actively seeking smaller bakeries to partner with in areas such as Vernal, Nephi, Richfield, Heber, and other underserved communities. Interested bakers must be able to provide “non-crumbly, tearable, non-sticky, not-weirdly-sweet bread.”
One Deseret Pews source also hinted that the Church is considering Liquid Life as a potential supplier for the water.
No word yet on whether General Mills will sponsor the gluten-free Chex Mix alternative for those Saints who wish to honor the Atonement without upsetting their tummies.
