SALT LAKE CITY—Church members browsing the Church’s online store this week were surprised to discover that the Emergency Preparedness section had reportedly expanded beyond wheat, water storage, and first-aid kits to include a Thompson Tommy Gun.
The addition has fueled fresh speculation surrounding the so-called “Mormon Mafia,” with internet sleuths insisting the listing is the strongest evidence yet that organized Relief Society crime may be real. Church officials declined to comment on the rumors, though one source joked the firearm was approved years ago by former Church president Tommy Monson, whose name has suddenly become the most searched phrase in Utah.
Members praised the new offering for finally answering the age-old preparedness question: “What if the home intruders also brought food storage?” The product remains listed as “In Stock,” though shoppers report it ships separately from the honey butter.
