SALT LAKE CITY — In a bombshell announcement this week, LDS Church leaders admitted that one of their most iconic…
Read More
One Man. Zero Glances. Unlimited Willpower.
34-year-old Brian Halverson set a new personal record of purity by maintaining continuous eye contact with the ceiling for 47…
Read More
Church Attendance Soars as Swig Drive-Thrus Arrive at LDS Chapels
In an innovative twist to boost church attendance, the LDS Church has announced a groundbreaking partnership with Swig, the iconic…
Read More
Pope Leo XIV Shocks World by Coming Out as Catholic
VATICAN CITY — In a revelation that has sent shockwaves through brunch tables and comment sections worldwide, Pope Leo XIV…
Read More
Crumbl Acquires Deseret Book, Plans Rebrand to “Dessert Book”
LEHI, UT — In a bold fusion of frosting and faith, Crumbl Cookies announced today it has acquired Deseret Book,…
Read More
LDS Church Strikes Deal with Fairview, Texas: Baptismal Oxen Replaced with Longhorns to Win Temple Permit
FAIRVIEW, TX — In a holy merger of revelation and rural zoning, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints…
Read More
Blazers, Beards, and the Ballot: Utah Retailers Ready for Republican Convention Rush
SALT LAKE CITY — As Utah gears up for its annual Republican Convention tomorrow, local retailers like Kohl’s, Dillard’s, and…
Read More
Utah RINOs Poop Pants, Start Gathering Signatures to Stay in the Party
OREM, UT – With the Utah GOP convention just days away, Democrat Republicans, known in the wild as RINOs, are…
Read More
Bugged: Mormon Crickets Reject Name as Offensive and Inaccurate
Fillmore, Utah – As they invade Fillmore, Utah, the infamous “Mormon Crickets” are demanding your respect and understanding as they…
Read More
BREAKING 🚨: LDS Church Confirms Herbal Coffee to Join Herbal Tea as Word of Wisdom-Compliant Hot Drink
SALT LAKE CITY, UT — The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints announced today that herbal coffee is now…
Read More