PROVO, UT — In a move that surprised exactly zero Utahns and confused the rest of the country, Brigham Young…
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Endangered: Preservation Utah Says “Preserve First” and “Wait, What Is This Place? Later”
In an ambitious push to preserve anything with four walls and a vague sense of age, Preservation Utah has announced…
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Amidst the Influx of Refugees, Utah’s Animal Shelters Add New Questions to the Adoption Pre-Screening
In a bold attempt to home their furry friends while avoiding any… misunderstandings… with a massive influx of new refugees,…
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Sleepy Blake Moore Does His Best Impression of Utah Voters and Falls Asleep While on the Job
Washington DC — In a powerful tribute to his base, Utah Rep. Blake Moore was caught on live TV doing…
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SLC Crowned Gayest Thing in Utah
Mayor Erin Mendenhall outs herself as a straight white liberal woman by being super gay about everything.
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DNC Panel Reverses David Hogg’s Victory Nullification, Reinstating Him After He Puts on Bra
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a stunning turn of progressive policy gymnastics, the Democratic National Committee has reversed its earlier decision…
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LDS Church’s Ensign Fund Goes All-In with $100 Billion to Defend Lego Joseph Smith (@Mormonger) in IP Lawsuit Brought by The LEGO Group
In a stunning pivot from quiet wealth management to plastic prophet protection, the LDS Church’s $100 billion Ensign Peak fund…
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Jazz Tank Job Tanks: With Fifth Pick and Flagg Long Gone, Utah Settles on 7-Foot White Guy Who Sets Great Screens
SALT LAKE CITY, UT — After a season of “strategic player development” (read: losing on purpose), the Utah Jazz secured…
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Pope Elected on Fourth Ballot, LDS Church Puzzled by Effectiveness of Opposing Votes in Ballots 1–3
VATICAN CITY — After three rounds of sacred debate, whispered prayers, and highly ceremonial side-eye, the Catholic Church successfully elected…
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🚨 BREAKING 🚨: LDS Church Shifts ‘Chosen Generation’ Mantle from Millennials to Gen Alpha; Gen Z Fumes Over Being Skipped, Declares Divine Favor Is ‘Mid’
In a stunning generational pivot, the LDS Church has officially reassigned the long-coveted title of “Chosen Generation” from Millennials to…
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