In an innovative twist to boost church attendance, the LDS Church has announced a groundbreaking partnership with Swig, the iconic soda-and-cookie drive-thru chain. Starting this Sunday, select chapels will feature on-site Swig drive-thrus, offering frothy “Dirty Diet Caffeine-Free Cokes” and oversized sugar cookies alongside eternal salvation.
“We’ve seen a dip in attendance, but we knew exactly what our members needed: beverages with a splash of coconut syrup and some pebble ice,” said Elder Brian T. Fizz, unofficial spokesperson for the initiative. “Nothing pairs better with spiritual nourishment than a Route 44-size non-caffeinated concoction.”
The initiative, dubbed “Sips for the Spirit,” has already seen success in test markets. One Utah-based congregation reported a 300% increase in sacrament meeting attendance. However, the bishop admitted that some members opted to stay in their cars, streaming the service over Bluetooth while sipping their “Dirty Dr. Peppers.”
Reactions to the program have been mixed. Some members have enthusiastically embraced the change, calling it a creative and fun way to connect with modern churchgoers. “This is exactly what we needed to make church more accessible and enjoyable,” said Brother Doug Miller, a self-proclaimed Swig superfan. “I mean, the gospel is sweet, but so is a fresh sugar cookie!”
Others, however, have raised concerns that the initiative might distract from the spiritual experience. “It’s getting out of hand,” lamented Sister Margaret Jensen, a longtime member. “Last Sunday, I saw a toddler baptizing their goldfish in a cup of Sprite. That’s not in the handbook.”
Meanwhile, youth attendance has skyrocketed, with one teen describing the program as “low-key fire.” Another confessed, “I wasn’t planning on going to church, but then I heard they had ‘Sugar Cookie Sundays.’ I mean, come on. That’s worth the trip.”
Next month, the Church plans to expand the initiative, piloting micro Crumbl franchises in Relief Society rooms. Officials say it’s all part of their mission to “bring the flock back… one insulin spike at a time.”
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