PROVO, UT — In a move that surprised exactly zero Utahns and confused the rest of the country, Brigham Young University has officially rebranded as “West Harvard,” citing obvious similarities like prestige, academic excellence, and a deeply rooted belief that they’re the main character in every room they enter.
“We just felt like the time had come to claim what we’ve all known in our hearts,” said BYU spokesperson Elder Brockson W. Phelps, speaking at a campus press conference. “If Harvard is the East’s BYU, then logically, we must be the West’s Harvard.”
The rebrand includes a sweeping campus overhaul. The iconic “Y” on the mountain will be replaced with a “W.H.” The Honor Code will be upgraded to the “West Harvard Moral Constitution,” and students will now refer to their majors as “fields of divine inquiry.”
To fully embrace the Harvard aesthetic, BYU has announced the addition of a rowing team, despite the minor issue of not having a river. Latin phrases will also be introduced at devotionals to elevate the vibe.
The announcement has sparked mixed reactions. Harvard issued a brief statement: “Who?” Meanwhile, Utahns across the state rushed to update their LinkedIn profiles to say “Attended West Harvard (formerly BYU).
One student, majoring in Marriage Prep with a minor in Pre-MBA Glory, put it simply. “People say we have a superiority complex, but we don’t. We’re just better. Humbly.”
Locals say the change was inevitable. And if trends continue, the entire Wasatch Front may soon be rebranded as “West Cambridge, But Cleaner.”
