SALT LAKE CITY — As Utah gears up for its annual Republican Convention tomorrow, local retailers like Kohl’s, Dillard’s, and Ross Dress for Less are bracing for what industry insiders call ‘Blazergeddon’ this weekend.
“We’ve stocked up on navy sports coats, khaki slacks, gilets and a shocking amount of off-brand polos in red, white, and freedom,” said Terry B., assistant manager at the South Towne Dillard’s.
Retailers have also been preparing their female sales staff for the event with specialized training, focusing on the delicate art of carrying a conversation with young men who don’t normally talk to girls.
“We had to role-play scenarios like ‘what to say if a customer breaks eye contact for 14 straight minutes’ and ‘how to redirect a filibuster on Austrian economics back to slim-fit or classic cut,’” said one Kohl’s employee, who requested anonymity to avoid being friended on Facebook.
Utah’s retail elite also know that neck beards are a political accessory of choice for many of the state’s up-and-coming conservative activists. In response, stores are placing complimentary lint rollers near fitting rooms and cash registers.
Some retailers are even offering package deals, like Dillard’s exclusive Delegate Deluxe Bundle, which includes a blazer, two polos, a pocket Constitution, and a travel-size bottle of Reagan-brand cologne, “tear down this smell” by Gorbachev.
On the other side of the aisle, salons are stocking up two weeks in advance for the Utah Democratic convention with blue, green, and purple hair coloring.
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