SALT LAKE CITY, UT — In a bold show of solidarity during Pride Month, a local Baptist church raised a pride flag, only to be met with crushing disappointment when it wasn’t set on fire, torn down, or vandalized in any way.
“We were really counting on it getting stolen to boost our visibility,” said Reverend Paul Ellison.
The church hoped the theft of its flag would spark local media coverage, a heartwarming interview, and ideally, a viral post on the church’s underperforming social media pages.
“It’s hard out here for a progressive Christian church in Utah. And honestly, it’s getting harder and harder to out-virtue-signal the middle-aged white liberal moms on Instagram. Some of these women have had their kids in rainbow onesies before they could crawl. We just can’t compete,” said Ellison.
As a backup plan, the church is now in the early stages of organizing a drag queen Bible story hour.
In hopes of the flag being vandalized, church administrators added a new sign to the lawn that reads: “Please vandalize responsibly. And don’t forget to tag us on Instagram.”
Leave a Reply