SALT LAKE CITY, UT — In a bold and long-overdue policy shift, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints announced this week that full-time employees will no longer be required to pay tithing on their Church-funded salaries, calling the practice “a clear-cut case of spiritual double taxation.”
“For decades, we’ve asked our employees to return 10% of the money we just gave them,” said a senior Church official. “At some point, you realize you’re just passing the same $100 bill back and forth until it disintegrates.”
The change came after an internal audit revealed that nearly 23% of the Church’s tithing intake was, in fact, coming from its own payroll.
Effective immediately, Church employees will be exempt from paying tithing on Church income, though they’re still welcome to donate out of guilt, tradition, fear of personal financial collapse, or, of course, in pursuit of eternal blessings.
To offset the projected drop in revenue, the Church is considering several new fundraising strategies, including premium pew seating, a subscription-based Come, Follow Me app, and monetizing Pioneer Trek as a reality show.
“We’re confident the Lord will provide,” said the spokesperson. “And if not, we’ve got a surprisingly aggressive legal department.”
One long-time employee, who requested anonymity, said he’s relieved by the change. “I used to tithe on my paycheck, then fast offering on top of that, and still buy cookies for ward activities,” he said. “At some point I realized I was just paying to work here. This feels… merciful.”
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