In a bold attempt to home their furry friends while avoiding any… misunderstandings… with a massive influx of new refugees, even though we’re “definitely NOT a sanctuary state” according to Governor Spencer Cox, Salt Lake animal shelters have added three new questions to their pet adoption forms:
- Have you ever eaten a dog?
- Have you ever eaten a cat?
- Do you intend to eat the adopted animal?
“We’re not accusing anyone,” said one director of a Salt Lake Animal shelter, “We’re just… asking politely… You know, the Utah way.”
The new questions, which are tucked between “Do you have a fenced yard?” and “Do you believe your pet will be with you in the celestial kingdom?”, have received backlash from our he/him governor.
“I’ve welcomed a lot of refugees over the years, and let me tell you, I’ve eaten casseroles I couldn’t identify, smiled through mystery stews, and loved every bite,” said Governor Spencer Cox. “That’s called hospitality, Utah-style.”
Shelter volunteers insist it’s not profiling – just proactive pet protection.
“We’re not saying people who come from different countries with a history of eating cats and dogs will eat them,” the anonymous director clarified. “We’re just making triple sure.”
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